Life Rants

Today I'm going to get my Senior pictures done. I'm growing up too fast!! It's almost scary, I don't know what real life is, is there like a book I can read? Advice on how to provide for yourself, feed yourself, live by yourself...

I don't think I could live by myself. I'll need like a room mate or something; I've seen way too many horror movies where there's a psychopath in a house somewhere or some other supernatural creature stalking down it's potential meal. Nope, not me, I'm gonna have a room mate.

I don't know why I'm worrying so much, I can just live at home for a while... But that's kind of the deal, I don't want to. I want my own place but I don't want to pay for it. But everyone wants that, so not much chance of getting my way.

I can't decide whether I worry too much or not enough. I know I always have a place at my house, but I want to get out on my own... Sort of. Like every other college student, I'll probably bring my laundry home on the weekends, ask my mom to run some home cooked stuff to my dorms if she's got time, ask for money when I wasted what I had on a late night ice cream run...

Yeah... Typical college student. I guess I'm lucky? is that the word? I'm going (or hoping to go) to a college that's only about half an hour away. Maybe some kids are dying to get out of their town, state, side of the country, whatever. But I wouldn't last very long being miles and miles away from my mom. I feel better when I know someone in my family is close by. In case something happens. Maybe when I'm married or whatever I can let that abnormal feeling go.

And that brings on another issue. When I was little, no, like last year, I thought getting married would grant me the golden elixir that was freedom. I was so ready to find my knight in shining armor and ride off into the artificial sunset of happiness and love ever after. About as fake as a tanning booth. I'm not saying there isn't someone out there, that's not for me to say. I'll believe it if the good Lord decides to inform me of the unhappy business, but until then I'll believe that somewhere among the swarm of ant-like people on the intoxicated earth, there's a young man gliding gloriously about with invisible wings attatched. And I'm not saying marriage is for suckers, cuz I'm a big sucker, but what I am saying is that the little naive girl fantasy of marriage fixing everything and granting eternal happiness is incredibly stupid. End of story.

So first comes the Senior pictures. Then comes graduation. Then comes getting a job for the summer, OR playing away my last summer of freedom... I'll decide on that later. Then comes the looming doom of college. I hear different things about college, I hear one side saying it's so much better than high school, that I'll have a blast. The other side says... The exact opposite. That I'm dead where I stand, if I'm not brilliant I don't stand a chance.

I hear a little voice saying "You're screwed."