Goodbye Washington

Today is my last day in Washington.

I'll miss the mountains, the Manette bridge, my family, my Dad, my Grandma, my Grandpa, my enormous bed, my newly found nature trail, the park just down the road from my house, sitting and making my hats next to my Grandma while she watches her quilting shows, playing Frisbee with Bradley, my Dad's laugh, making trips to my Aunt's house, eating ice cream drumsticks while watching Frasier, Disney movies whenever I want, waking up whenever I want, the perfect weather hot but not too hot, my favorite cousin Amy, the beach, the ferry terminals, the seagulls, my piano, my Grandma's laugh, going to thrift stores with my Dad and seeing his face when I show him all the yarn I want, asking my Grandma what kind of yarn I should use next, joking around with my Grandpa, making fun of my Dad, my room, the view from my room, my backyard, sitting in my backyard when I need to think, the creek that goes through my backyard, walking up the creek, making goofy movies with my brother, watching my Dad and Grandparents bicker, having time to myself.

All these things I'll miss, there's so much more, but I can't describe it.

I'm going to Idaho for a family reunion, and then to EFY for a week in Rexburg.

Then I'm going home to Montana. For a week or so. Then moving back to Idaho for my senior year.

It's going to be a long few months....

Comedy provides relief.

<---

My loot to purchase a bagel at Starbucks.

$2.50 with cream cheese! Ridiculous.

But anyway, tonight I went and saw Dinner with Shmucks, and oh wow.

Steve Carrel is a truly gifted actor. His facial expressions are out of this universe.

Is it just me, or is he, in some weird way, cute? Ha, I think it's just me.

He definitely helped me get my mind off stuff I don't want to think about. Comedic relief I suppose... Definite relief. I think everytime I laugh, a little bit of hurt goes away, and stays away. I need this.

Thank you Steve Carrel :)

Bradley!

My


Big


Brother,


Bradley....

Is a nut.

He is always making a joke about something, whether it's about me, mocking me, mocking my Dad or some other poor family member, he's always doing something funny.

(Very rarely is he serious)

We used to fight and fight and fight all the time. I mean, all. The. Time. When we were younger, like 2 or 3 years ago, we couldn't get through the day without a major arguement, or fight, or some other unfortunate happening.

I used to not like him very much. I was pretty much set on declaring us enemies for the rest of our lives. Whenever someone would ask how Bradley was or what he was up to, my response usually was something like, "Being Bradley", or "Not really anything as far as I know." I had more rude responses but those were only for people who knew mine and Brad's history, who wouldn't get offended.

When we little, I made up a very special nickname for my big brother.

(drum roll)

Brat-ley.

Oooh, he got so mad at that name, so naturally just to spite him, I'd call him Brat-ley at least once a day. I don't think he ever came up with a nickname for me, but he found other ways to get back at me. I can't count how many times he's made me cry. Or made me mad, and cry.

Usually, for me, crying is a result of getting angry. He was very good at making me do both.

But as we've gotten older we seem to get along better. I don't know if this is because

One, he's grown up a little.

Two, I've grown up a little.

Maybe a mixture of both. I'm not really sure. I've always been a sensitive person, overly sensitive really. And I take alot of things either personally, or way too seriously. And Bradley's one of those people who joke just to get you angry. Just to get a rise.

He's gotten alot of free entertainment out of me.

This summer, we've definitely gotten closer, I think. Or at least to a point where we can stay in the same room without bickering. It's actually really, really, really nice.

I'm sure my Dad and Grandparents appreciate it.

Dad!

My Dad is so goofy.

This is him at Disneyland, at the Block Party Bash.

So many people were staring at him. It was definitely a sight to see.

I always make fun of him for it, but I love him all the same.

I'm pretty sure I get most of my goofiness from him. I don't have a problem with that, though.

Like father like daughter. I'm such a Daddy's girl.

Steaming order of Perspective!

Lately... I've lost my perspective. Things have been rocky with some friends of mine, and I kind of lost sight of the real meaning of being a kid. Ok, or a teenager.

To experience.
To learn.
To live.

I had gotten so caught up in one thing, one person, I had lost complete sight of this.




I was watching my golden teenager years wither away.

I consider myself to be a worry wart sometimes, and it's usually like one of those festering worries, the ones that just will not.Go. Away. No matter how hard I try to get my mind off it, it always comes back.

But I think I've struck gold.

I've decided to go forth in confidence. And whatever happens, happens. There's really nothing I can do to change it. I might be sad about the outcome, but hey that's life right?
Better stuff will come along. And I'm not just talking relationship fiddle faddle.

I'm talking like, moving. Jobs. Anything that causes you grief. No matter what, just keep your head up. Cuz I can promise you, everything happens for a reason. There is nothing random in this life.

You are who you are, for a specific reason.

You are where you are for a cause.

You are given the talents you have for a purpose.

Why bother wishing you were someone else, somewhere else, and talented with something else when every one of those things make you?

It's taken me a very very very long time to figure this out, and remember it. And I still have trouble with it sometimes. I find myself craving to be like her, or living there, or being thinner.

But, that would just make me an imitator. And honestly, I like being originally me. It's quite fun.

(Though sometimes I still wish I was thinner)

But I'm working on that!!

To make myself feel better when I'm feeling sad, or upset, I just ask myself if I'll remember this in a week. Or a month. Or next year. Does it really matter that much? And if my answer is yes, then I find a way to fix it.

If not, then I just try to forget it.

I'm happier. :)

My Wish List

I really wish I could turn my feelings off. Like a light switch.
I wish I could go back in time, and explain why I feel what I feel.

I wish my feelings were rational.

I wish he understood. I wish I could see what's going on in his head.
I wish I didn't feel the need to worry, and mope.

So Long Sweet Summer

I LOVE SUMMER.

I'm sad that it's slmost over... I have maybe three weeks left.

I hope I have enough summer memories to get me through my last year of high school.

I'll miss the weather, and how I can wake up at any time and not worry.

How I'm not late for anything.

How I don't have to rush anything.

I'll miss just being able to walk around, exploring.

I'll miss Washington...

When it's not raining, it really is the prettiest place...

I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone.

I was totally caught off guard the other day when my Grandma told me I only had a week left with my dad.

I leave this next weekend! I thought I had at least two weeks left!!

After I leave my Dad's I'm going to a family reunion on my Mom's side, I guess we have a huge cabin rented out, right on a lake, and my Aunt and Uncle are bringing their boat.

When school starts back up, I'm definitely going to miss just sitting around, reading a book somewhere... Not having to rush anywhere.

That's all school is. A rush.

(And not the good kind)

I'm going to miss movie marathons... Those don't happen very often during the school year...

Nachos are totally a summer food.

I'd feel out of place if I ate them during the winter.

And I will most likely have less time to make things.

This summer I really discovered my love of making things myself.

Before, I wouldn't even have considered making a hat, or (attempting) to make my own earrings. I want to try making jewelry, and leg warmers, and just any random think that I can.

Making things is so much fun!! I'm just sad that it took me so long to realize. I really owe it all to Joe's sister. She kind of inspired me...

I have three weeks left of summer. I'm going to make the absolute most of them.

I'm off.

Dreams.

This morning I woke up with a slightly depressed feeling somewhere in my stomach. For a second I tried to remember why, and then...

Do you have dreams that seem so real, that when you wake up, it doesn't make anything better. Well. That was me this morning.

From what I can remember, my dream went like this:
I'm at my friend Joe's house, my dad is there and so is his mom.

It's almost time to go, and that's already sad all by itself, but to make things worse, my dad says something to his mom about me, about my past, that makes her flip out and start interrogating me. She sends Joe inside the house, and I don't get to say goodbye...
The questions continue, and then she leaves me outside.

For some reason, my dad has disappeared, and I'm left outside by myself. I start walking away, but I decide to go sit on their porch and wait for my dad to reappear.
Instead, Joe walks out of the house. We start talking and then he has to leave with his dad.
I don't see him again.
But his Mom calls me back inside the house, and she's being nice and cordial, so I'm thinking that things are ok. I'm helping to make dinner with her and Joe's sister.

And then the dream changes. I'm in a car driving to New York City. I have a car full of people, and we're driving through a desert type thing, with alot of hills.

And it's not a normal highway.

A voice from somewhere in the back of the car warns me about a huge dog thingy that I suppose roams the desert.
Don't say anything, it's my subconcious I tell you.

Right as I'm responding, the huge dog thingy jumps out from behind a huge rock structure, like those in the Grand Canyon, and start chasing us. I panic, as I can imagine many would, and start swerving all over the road trying to get rid of the dog.

And this dog is huge, like bigger than a car, it's monstrous.

I lose control of the car, and we go crashing through the gates that border the side of the road, the guard rail. The car is miraculously still running, and it starts bouncing down the hill, but staying upright. The dog is still chasing us, so I grab the wheel and turn the car around, but too hard, the car rolls down the rest of the way.

Huge red letters flash: GAME OVER
And I'm driving again, down the same highway, and the same voice warns me about the dog, but this time I'm ready. Right as the dog jumps out, I press my foot down on the gas and speed right through the legs. It starts chasing us but I have the headstart, and it gets farther and farther behind.

The next scene shows that we finally made it to New York City. I pull up to a one level apartment, but all the rooms that should have been there, are side-by-side, making it a very long apartment. I don't know how to explain it.

All the rooms are separate, but connected by a massive hallway. The hall is in the back, running down the length of the apartment.

Everyone in the car gets out, and starts taking their stuff into the apartment.

The next scene, I'm by myself in one of the rooms, and it's starting to rain.
Water starts coming in through muiltiple holes in the roof, and is flooding the apartment.

I grab some pots and pans and put them under the leaks, and run to the next room, looking for damage.

In every room I look in, there's some water damage, but not too bad, save for the second to last room; water is coming down in torrents, the room is already flooding.
I run out looking for another pot, or box, anything that can hold all the water coming through the roof. I look in all the rooms, which for some reason, are already cram packed with junk.

I find a huge pot, and run back to the second to last room, and shove it underneath the cascade.
Hoping the rain to stop soon, I run into the last room, and find it completely dry, and wouldn't you know it, sunlit.
I walk in, looking around and on the ceiling for water damage. Nothing.

I don't have time to investigate more, I run out and check on the other rooms. It's still raining and all the containers are overflowing.

Right as I start to get desperate, my family comes home, and the rain stops.

I don't say much, I just go back to the rooms and start emptying all the pots.
I turn around and Joe's standing in the doorway, holding a baby.

And that's where the dream ends, well, as I remember it.

And for some reason, this dream is really really bothering me...
It's the first time my thoughts that bother me while I'm awake bother me while I'm sleeping.
Even in my subconcious, she doesn't like me.

My day at the Lake.

I'm in my hometown, and things are great.

Taylor and I have been friends since we were in 2nd grade.

Need I say more?!

Well, ok maybe this: Yesterday was freakin awesome.

Adventures with Auntie

So I spent an awesome few days with my Auntie Christina :)

We went shopping and I got to hang out with my baby cousin Elizabeth.

We got to go swimming...

And we went to the Farmer's Market.

(I almost bought out every booth, I totally would have if I had a million dollars)

Totally pigged out on some awesomely delicious strawberries!
& I made a smoothie with the leftover ones.

And lot's of other stuff!

It was a really good few days. And in a few weeks I'm going to a cabin by a lake for a family reunion. We're renting out an entire cabin, my aunt and uncle are bringing their boat, and we're going to be there for a week! I'm beyond excited!!

Strangers gather here.

Sometimes I wish I could take better pictures.

Today I was sitting at the bus stop, and there was a man sitting a few seats down.

I didn't think anything of it, until he started talking to me...

He said something about conspiracies from the government, and how the 9/11 attack was planned. Something about folding a twenty dollar bill and the Twin Towers show up.

I don't know it was weird.

Does this happen to anyone else?? Complete strangers that turn normal settings into something bizzare? That's the third stranger in the past week that started a conversation.

And don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it, just as long as they don't try anything else, but I find it just a tad weird. It's kind of scary, actually.

Like, what if one of these days I get a freak?

The guy today was normal, as far as I could tell, a little eccentric but harmless.

He started talking about how he works hard, and how lazy people are the ones who make America look bad.

What did I do to provoke that rant?

Not a single clue. He just went off.

He also said something about how perverts are the ones who made guys like him look bad.

"Like, what if a guy sees a beautiful girl on the street, maybe sitting at a bus stop, and he wants to talk to her? Thanks to the pervs out there, girls freak out."

Isn't that so true?

There's actually some everyday gentlemen out there. It's just hard to tell who.

I was at the ferry terminal, and that's not in a very good part of town, and there were all guys there, only one woman, a nurse by the looks of it.

And I got to thinking, If one of these guys saw a rape about to happen, or a kidnapping, how many would help? Save them I mean.

How many would be the ones trying to hurt someone?

How many would stop it?

But my faith in humanity is improving as of late.

There's some bad stuff out there. Obviously.

But I think there is still hope. Call me an optimist, if you will.

Great News!

I found out today that my Grandma had her last chemotherapy! We found out she had a return of cancer about 3 months ago, and she's been going through chemo ever since and today was her last one!




She was so excited when she came up to me earlier, she had this huge smile on her face when she told me it was her last one, now all that needs to happen is surgery to take the tumor out, and the doctor to say she's cancer free.
She's come such a long, long way.


I can see the change in my family, we're all much closer, and almost losing Grandma made us all, no, made me realize how much I loved her.

You know the phrase, You don't know what you have till it's gone?

I'm glad I didn't have to lose my Grandma to find out how much she means to me. I figured it out before it was too late.
I spend more time with her, she's taught me how to make hats, dinner, clean a house, make fun of boys, and she's (almost) always on my side.
Her and my Grandpa are the perfect example of a married couple. They've been married almost 50 years, next year will be the Golden Anniversary, and they've never had a huge fight, never cheated, and I can tell just by watching them how much they love eachother. They'll be sitting on the couch together watching TV and my Grandma will just say, "I love you." And without skipping a beat, Papa will say, "Love you too, babe."
It gives me hope. Love can last! You just have to find the right one.
He's so protective of her too. I think that's the cutest thing, and he does whatever she wants, and vice versa. So darn cute.
And he's taken care of her, all through her cancer. He went to every chemo, and stayed with her, he won't leave her by herself at the house, he loves her. It's not a fleeting, hazy love, it's a profound one. And they were highschool sweethearts.
This gives me hope.

Chaotic day.

Today was mere chaos. Nothing too bad. I got a late start again, I stayed up last night making another hat for my brother... He better be nicer to me.
My neighbor next door was having a yard sale, I LOVE yard sales! Nothing like rummaging through some stranger's junk. There was a whole box full of different colored yarn: yellow, purple, key lime green, dark green, creamy white, and peach!
I was in yarn heaven, I stayed there for about 10 minutes just picking the yarn I wanted. My Dad totally spoiled me today. Ridiculously.
My journey started by a simple trip to Costco to get gas and batteries. It turned into a frantic chicken like chase from Costco to Best Buy, back to Costco, back to Best Buy, back to Costco, and finally back to Best Buy. We saw a camera at Costco, I liked it and I thought that was the one. Ohh no, my dad said we had to go compare prices at Best Buy. So I said Ok, let's go. We get over there and I see pretty much the same camera for a worse price. But, I look over a few cameras, and I find one that is pretty much the same thing but WAY cheaper. So I get excited and tell my Dad that's the one. But he says we should go back to Costco and compare prices again. So ok. We get back over there, and I can't find the camera I want. It's not there, they don't have it.
"Let's go back to Best Buy."
"You're kidding right?"
No, he wasn't. We get back to Best Buy, and the sales lady knows us by name pretty much, she was so nice, she answered all my questions, my Dad's questions, she was awesome. So I finally decided on one camera, and just my luck, again, they're out. They don't have it. This is at Best Buy, mind you. Ugh.
So my Dad went through this huge long ordering process to get it shipped to my house. It'll be here in a few days. :) I'm so excited to get it, it's got all these different features, way more than my old one. I finally got home, and came into my room and said to my old camera, "You're being replaced." It seemed to shudder for a second... Today was a good day. I decided I don't like shopping as much as I thought I did... I lose patience way easily.


And I guess my boyfriend had a really bad day at work today... It makes me feel a little bad, while I was out shopping (or trying to), he was getting yelled and sworn at by customers... Makes me mad too, he's the nicest guy I've ever met, people are just so rude.
Hopefully his day will get better, I've been trying to make him feel better.
Happy almost 4th of July!

Just my luck.

Today, I decided to go on a mini-quest. I thought this would merely include going to a small park down the street with my brother, Bradley, to play Frisbee. Not so.

On the way there, I happened to look up a street we were passing, and I saw the entrance to a trail. I knew there was a nature park near my house, I just wasn't sure where it was. Well, I found it.

I convinced my brother to go explore it with me, and though he griped the whole way, he did. I was pretty excited, I've been dying to find some nature or SOMETHING to explore in my boring little Washington town. It actually was alot of fun.








It was kind of scary at first, we didn't know where we were going to end up, and two guys entered the trail right after we did, and the entrance was in a crappy part of town, so Bradley had his phone out the whole time. Scary!
But after a while I looked back and they were gone, so we both relaxed a bit more. We kept walking around, and I found some garbage, lucky me! I started picking up everything that was not organic, and for some reason, Bradley was very adverse to the idea. He gave me crap the whole time we were walking around...Don't know why, he probably thought I looked like a dork walking around with two hands full of garbage, how thoughtful he was looking out for my image! If not for the environment.




We found a creek, it was really really pretty, I was taking pictures when I spotted an aluminum beer can caught in some branches by the bank. I turned the camera off, waded over to the can, bent over to pick it up completely forgetting the camera in my pocket, and plunk! Down went the camera. It was one of those "Aw frick" moments. I snatched it out as fast as i could and started wiping it off with my sleeve.

I thought I could save it... Wrongo bongo. My camera that I've had for about 2 years now, has gone kaput. It won't turn on, so I'm doing extra chores to earn moneys to buy a new one. Half the point of my day is broken along with my camera.
And just this morning I had figured out how to set the camera for close ups. I had so many ideas, new things I was going to try out...And as I try to do a good deed, it falls in a creek. Just my luck.

Family!

I absolutely love my little sister more than anything on the planet.

And my baby cousin is right behind her. :)

Family is definitely my favorite thing. I love being around them all, even if they annoy me.

Which is not very often.

When all else fails, Family will be there. You're stuck with them.

And you can make that a good thing...

Or choose to make it a bad thing.

Inner Hippie

Too many people overlook the complexity and miracle of nature.

What other force would come back, attack after attack after attack, even more beautiful than before? Always forgiving humanity's ignorance and indifference. Do you know anyone/anything that forgiving? Or patient?

That's why I think nature is called nature. It's the nature of God's temperance. Never leaving for good, no matter how damaged or charred the ground is. Healing and soothing, creating beauty out of ruin. It's definitely the best thing about the earth, besides the creativity and genius of good people.

No perfume can smell the same as a flower.

A fan can't imitate the way wind feels through your hair.

A shower can't compare to a waterfall.

A canal is NOT a river.

No building can come close to the structural grace of a tree.

I'm such a hippie. I love it...