Realization

So true. After I read this I immediately started noticing ads like in magazines and everyone looks so sad....

I'm starting to notice a few things in my life and a few things need to change.

One, I need to remember that if someone is not going to make an effort to be in my life, there's no point in trying to make them stay.

Two, sometimes the best way to get someone's attention is to stop giving them yours.

Three, there is absolutely NO POINT in getting upset over the way someone is. Their genetic make-up is binding. There is no breaking it, or changing it. If they're programmed to be a jerk, brace yourself, because they're not changing.

Four. The best way to have confidence is to act like you do, until you actually get it.

I'm getting so philosophical.

Days Off

I love days off! I get two in a row weekly, it's absolute heaven, it's like my weekend.

Except my days off are Sunday and Monday. So it's like a weird, backwards weekend. But heaven all the same. I took the opportunity of my Monday off and walked around Jackson, I'm pretty sure I've seen every art gallery in town, every photography gallery, every sculpture gallery, every painting gallery, all of them.

But the beautiful thing is, I never get tired of it. Ever.

I walked into this particular gallery earlier, and I just had to giggle out loud out of sheer excitement. I was so happy to be there, right in that spot, that moment, I was totally content with where I was.

It was then I decided that art is what I want to do in life.

Especially photgraphy. I get so discouraged with my paintings and drawing, sometimes I really feel like throwing in the towel, and saying it's not for me.

But art is something I want to do. I want to be good at it, I want to be creative, I adimire those who can just create with their hands an idea that's in their minds.

I guess practice, practice, practice right?

I really, really love Jackson at night. It would be funner if more stores were open, cuz everything shuts down at 9 p.m or sooner, except like two or three stores. One of which is my own store, we close at 10 p.m.

But Jackson is gorgeous at night.

Lights.

I want to go hike to the top of that hill like I did on the 4th of July, just so I can see the lights.

So, today, I went tubing down Flat Creek.

My roommate had gone a few days ago and she came back with scrapes and bruises and horror stories, and so when I got invited to go today I was expecting exciting, adrenaline-inducing rapids the size of King Kong and exotic water pythons that could crush a grown man's skull, but instead...

I got a few low bridges, cold water and sore arms from trying to stay away from trees. 

Oh, and a sunburn that puts a tomato to shame.

Don't get me wrong, it was way fun. But not as exciting as I thought it would be.

There were a couple of drops though, but nothing to get too frightened over... Just very wet.

Afterwards, some of us went to get Thai food!

Leandro and Santiego. (I call him San-chago.)

Leandro is from Brazil. He's got the accent and everything, I think it's great.

San-chago is from.. Brain fart. I can't remember... It starts with an O... Or a B... It's not Boston... It's somewhere hot. And it's foreign. He's got an accent too.

Wow, that's really going to bug me. I can't remember where he's from...

Oh well. I'll remember. Eventually. 

Well, anyways, we went and got Thai food. It was yummy, I think it was the first time I ever had Thai food.

I was impressed. 

I had some noodle thing with peanuts in it, and a tortilla thing with salad stuff in it.

I love my descriptions, don't you?

I went and explored a thrift store today as well. I wasn't very impressed with it...

I'm a thrift store lover. I'd pick a thrift store over a mall any day. Any. Day.

But I did get like five new books, including a Calvin and Hobbes comic book! I love Calvin and Hobbes, oh goodness they make me laugh. They're so evil, it's funny.

I pray I don't get a child like that, because that would be karma right there. I drove my parents insane.

I was a sassy child. Still am, but that's beside the point.

 I remember countless lectures from my father on how I needed to "change my attitude", and quit rolling my eyes all the time and I still haven't grown out of that one, but I like to think my attitude has improved a little.

Well.. Probably not.

Oh days off are a gift from God. Tomorrow is back to work, but I'm not really complaining, I like my job.

Or rather, the people that come with the job that make it worthwhile and fun.

Belated 4th of July

Late 4th of July stuff.

I had the day off, and at first I thought I was lucky... But by the end of the night I was wishing I was working with everyone else. It was gorgeous outside, so I'm grateful for that though.

I got some pretty good pictures, I think.

Patriotism! Jackson goes all out, quite literally. There was a parade, music in the park, signs everywhere, a shoot-out, flags, fireworks, the whole works.

Of course there was a lot of partying, too.

 Blehh.

Ok so there was this guy, I was walking with a friend of mine, Leandro, and we were just walking around Jackson at like 11 at night, and there was this guy juggling fire! It was so amazing, and even more amazing were the pictures I got. Leandro and I watched this guy for almost 10 minutes.

We also watched a party get busted, and a cop flagging down people trying to leave and making them pour out their drinks. It was quite entertaining.

And so Leandro and I kept walking. And walking. And walking. Until we found a tunnel. A very long tunnel.

A very... Uphill tunnel.

A very... Spooky tunnel.

A tunnel which had boards lining the sides of it.

A tunnel which had blood on some of the boards that once lined the side of said tunnel.

Spooky tunnel.

 I wonder if someone died in that tunnel.

Jackson at night, and from the side of a mountain.

My 4th of July didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted it too... Not at all.

But. I did count my blessings, and I found that I have very good friends who care, and are willing to deal with me in my foulest of moods.

Which is very nice, considering.

Home Sweet Jackson

Heading into week two of my living in Jackson, Wyoming! It's still exciting to be out on my own, the only downside right now is that I'm kind of running out of food... But that's ok, this week is pay-day!

I won a can of Spaghetios tonight. I had to play rock-paper-scissors for it, but I won!

Total perk of the night.

So, like I said, here's some pictures of my new town... Tomorrow is my day off, so I'll definitely be wandering and taking more pictures. Life is so good to me lately.

This is on my walk to work. I see this every day.

How lucky am I?

There are two of those arches, and they're made entirely out of elk antlers.

 Creepy, right? I kind of want to touch them, but at the same time, Gross!

The arches are a major tourist photo-op, you're constantly getting people stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to pose for a picture... Ha, I'm starting to sound like a local.

"Dang tourists..."

Mountains surround Jackson entirely, it's so gorgeous, we're literally in a basin, sort of, in the mountains. A hole really, but that makes it sound bad. I love it here so far, but I feel kind of trapped... I mean, it's not like I can just get up and leave if I feel like taking a vacation. It's not like I can go have a night out on the town, this IS the town and it's tiny.

I still haven't even made it to Albertson's yet.

I have to catch a bus and I don't want to go by myself. So I'm waiting for Jeremy to have a day off.

I don't think I've mentioned Jeremy yet.

I'll save that for later.

These aren't very good pictures, but I'm working on that. I need to start working on my photography again... And my painting. And singing. And acting. And sketching. And all-around creativity.

I can definitely feel this slump... It's not very fun, I need something to work on, like a project.

The reason I like to take so many pictures is because I like to document things. I like to be able to remember, look back and laugh, remember details, things that made me smile, how things were, what I loved, things I wanted to see, things I wanted others to see.

Pictures are my documentary of my life. I'm not very good at writing, but dang it, I'm going to be good at taking pictures.

Jackson is all about the cowboy look. Everywhere are cowboy boots and belts, buckles and hats, you want it, they got it.

The place I work is sort of like a gift shop, except really massive, and higher quality than your average one-stop gift shop. We have t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, candles that smell amazing, stuffed animals like moose and bears and wolves, souvenirs like pocket knives with names on them, and we have a gallery full of art.

Photography included. I love it in there, except when it's my assigned area to be, because that means I can't leave. It gets boring after the first two hours.

I've also realized that working in retail is my karma. After all the things I've done to mess up like, Wal Mart or whatever any other store, me working in retail is my personal karma. 

Because it bugs me sooo much to see something that is so obviously out of place, I have to wonder if someone did it on purpose, just to piss someone off.

I love my job though. It especially helps when you have something to keep you busy; if you're just wandering aimlessly, time is going to pass soooo slowly for you. I would know. I've done it.

Lucky for me I had a project that kept me busy most of the first part of my shift today, so the first half went by semi-quickly.

Self-improvement is my goal...

I have alot to do...

Life As I Know It

I've moved into my new home! I've been here for about a week.

 None of these pictures are from Jackson, but I'm working on that. I've been working nonstop since I got here, so no chances to take pictures yet.

I work at Jackson Trading Company, and so far I love it! The people are great, I made friends right away.

The guys I work with are great, I'm over at their place more than my own.

My work provides housing, and the guy's and girl's apartments are right next to eachother, so I'm a frequent visitor.

I'm not sure why, but I find guy-friends much, much more relaxing than girls. Actually I do know why. 

 Because with girls, there's always complications. There's always a need for conversation. There's never the real story, there's always something going on behind the scenes.

I'm sick of it.

Guys are simple. I'm ok with that.

These are just a few from Billings, but they're some of my favorite.

I didn't talk about Billings much, but I absolutely loved it. It was so fun. So great to finally be home.

One thing I love about Jackson, everything here is nature. Nature, nature, nature. I'm in total love with this town, it's so beautiful; mountains everywhere, rustic buildings, boardwalks.

I love it.

My work is about a five minute walk from my apartment, so I get fresh air every day, along with a walk.

Living on my own has been really nice for me, I really needed to get out of my house.

I'm pretty sure I never want to go back to living with my parents. Ever.

But I do miss my family, hopefully they're coming up for the 4th of July!

Beginning of Summer!

Once again, it's been a while since I've written here.

So, an update.

I graduated! Those pictures will have to come later, but I have them. It was alot of fun.

I went to Billings, Montana, aka HOME.

I went home for about a week, then I got a phone call for a job in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

But first, pictures of Billings!

The Rims. I love love love the Rims. They overlook the entire valley, and it's an incredible view. This particular day there was a storm coming in. You would not believe how quick those things come in.

This is my best friend in the whole entire world, Bini! I stayed with her for a week, it was so much fun.

We stayed up till 3 AM pretty much every night, just talking and catching up. It'd been a year since we'd seen eachother so it was very much needed.

The storm, again. I remember just standing there, taking pictures, and one second it was calm and tranquil, and I kid you not, the next-- the wind was blowing, dirt was flying everywhere, it hurt because everything was flying so hard, I kept getting dirt and sand in my eyes.



Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Zane's scorpions. Disgusting. He tried to get me to hold one. Didn't happen. Ugh so gross.

Bini and her boyfriend. (He took us both out to lunch.)

Have I mentioned how much I freaking LOVE Billings?

Right there is why.

The people are just simply amazing. I only lived in Billings for about 4 years, but it'll always always be home to me.

Potential Optimism

"You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life."

How true. And sometimes, standing up for something can just be simply being yourself.

No regrets. No apologies.

Being who you are should not warrant an apology. It's others who judge, and hate, they are the ones to apologize.

"When you judge someone, you have no time to love them."

Life gets tough. I've cried in one week more than I have in a very long time. But I am trying so hard to be optimistic. I try and see the light at the end of this hellish tunnel.

"Young men, take care to not make women weep, for God counts their tears."

~President Thomas S. Monson

Ha.

Treading Water Instead of Drowning

Sometimes when life gets challenging, when every day is a struggle to keep your head up, to pretend no one's ever hurt you, you tend to forget the beautiful things about life. 

I will be the first to admit to this. I have a bad habit of focusing on the negative, to look to the future with the wrong perspective and seeing nothing but darkness and hurt.

It's not a healthy thing to do. How can I expect to heal if I continue to dwell?

Simple answer: I can't. And I won't.

Life itself is beautiful.

It's people that make it hard, but it's our job to choose to see the good.

There is always something good about your day, no matter how hard it was, no matter how many tears have found their way down your face, no matter what, something beautiful happens everyday.

I find that dwelling does no good at all... It just makes everything worse!

I'm an absolute believer that everything in this life happens for a reason.

I just have a hard time accepting it's for the better when it's something I didn't want to happen.

But I feel every day getting easier. I find it easier to look away, find something else to think about, something new to laugh at, smile about, I'm realizing there is more to life.

Some of my favorite quotes that get me through tough situations:

"The wrong one is the right one to lead you to the best one."

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

"It's crazy right? To love someone who's hurt you. It's even crazier to think that someone who hurt you...

Loves you."

"One day, you're going to realize just how special she was. And when you do, she'll be walking hand-in-hand with the guy who already knew."

"No matter how badly your heart is broken, the world does not stop for your grief."

I'm sure most people know what I mean when I say, this week, I feel like I'm treading water instead of drowning in it.